Review Tuesday: One Day We’ll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter

It’s been a long time since I did a Review Tuesday, and it’s not like I stopped reading books (I’ve read 47 so far this year), it’s just that I got super lazy. But, I’m trying to kick the lazy-ness. So, I’m back with the Review Tuesday. And first book I’m back with is One Day We’ll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter by Scaachi Koul.

From Goodreads:

A collection of essays about growing up the daughter of Indian immigrants in Canada, “a land of ice and casual racism,” by the cultural observer, Scaachi Koul.

In One Day We’ll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter, Scaachi deploys her razor-sharp humour to share her fears, outrages and mortifying experiences as an outsider growing up in Canada. Her subjects range from shaving her knuckles in grade school, to a shopping trip gone horribly awry, to dealing with internet trolls, to feeling out of place at an Indian wedding (as an Indian woman), to parsing the trajectory of fears and anxieties that pressed upon her immigrant parents and bled down a generation. Alongside these personal stories are pointed observations about life as a woman of colour, where every aspect of her appearance is open for critique, derision or outright scorn. Where strict gender rules bind in both Western and Indian cultures, forcing her to confront questions about gender dynamics, racial tensions, ethnic stereotypes and her father’s creeping mortality–all as she tries to find her feet in the world.

This is one of my favourite books of the year. I’m usually not a big fan of essay-style books, but I fell in love with this one. I truthfully found out about it through a Facebook ad where the ad copy was something along the lines of “my boss told me I have to market this book even though one day we’ll all be dead and none of this will matter,” and it made me laugh, so I had to look up the book. (Well done marketing person).

The one thing that I loved about this book was that it was written from a completely different perspective from my own. I’m a middle class white female. I’ve never experienced racism before – I’ve definitely experienced sexism, (which she also talks about) but not racism. So it was interesting to read about someone close to my age who experiences it on a fairly regular basis. Interesting and disturbing. Her version of Canada is different from mine, and I wasn’t happy that she was experiencing – and is experiencing – something so awful. But, it was good to read about it because I needed to know. And every Canadian needs to know that this happens. Nothing can change if we don’t all frankly talk about what we experience.

Racism was one of the big things that Scaachi talked about, but she also talked about sexism (Good Lord I hear ya on that), and just other life experiences that she’s had. I also really enjoyed her essay about the perpetual fear that she lives in – only because I also have that going on (though to a lesser degree).

Overall, this was a very smart, funny, and engrossing book. I loved that it made me think, made me reevaluate things that I thought I knew, and just made me laugh. The writing is brilliant and engaging and I couldn’t put it down. I also LOVED that it was Canadian. I’m starved for Canadian content.

If you haven’t read this book you definitely should. It’s not one that you can miss.

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Apartment Stories: Moving In

Near the end of May I moved in with Doug, boyfriend extraordinaire and love of my life. We had always planned on moving in together this year, but a shitty living situation at his old apartment (a neighbour with a reoccurring bedbug problem that became Doug’s reoccurring problem) had us looking for a place earlier than we anticipated.

Doug moved into our new place in January, and I lived at the apartment on the weekends. I was saving up for a car, which is why I wasn’t able to move in at the beginning of the year. The apartment though was always “ours”. My name was on the lease with his, we furnished and decorated together, and also moved in some of my stuff in January too.

Finally, I moved in at the end of May, and I have to say the first week was a bit rough for me. I have an anxiety problem, and ulcerative colitis. Each of those on their own sucks, but the fun times start when one of them sets off the other, and that’s what happened the first week of me officially moving in.

I am not good with change or with new things. Do I adapt and overcome and succeed? Absolutely. It just takes me a little bit longer than everyone else to do that. I think Doug was worried for the first week that I regretted moving in or that I was going to change my mind because I was just so anxious. And I kept reassuring him that it was simply because everything was new.

Lo and behold by week 2 and 3 I was no longer anxious. There was no hum zipping through me like electricity or anything. Do I still get anxious in general? Of course. It’s something I deal with on a regular basis, and Doug is amazingly wonderful for helping me deal, and just being supportive. But the “new apartment, this is where I live now” anxiety is completely gone because this is home.

Anxiety is fantastic at helping you live inside a little box where you get way too comfortable – and incredibly bored. So, as nerve-wracking as it is, you have to continuously push yourself to try new things and move forward because while the anxiety can get really bad, it never lasts, and it is so worth it when you get to the other side of “new”.

 

Stay tuned for next week’s Apartment Story!

Review Tuesday: Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

I had read We Should All Be Feminists a couple of years ago, and I completely loved it. I felt that Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie had explained feminism so well, and it’s definitely a book/talk that I recommend to a lot of people. So, I was very excited when I learned that she had a new book coming out called Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions.

From Goodreads:

A few years ago, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie received a letter from a dear friend from childhood, asking her how to raise her baby girl as a feminist. Dear Ijeawele is Adichie’s letter of response.

Here are fifteen invaluable suggestions–compelling, direct, wryly funny, and perceptive–for how to empower a daughter to become a strong, independent woman. From encouraging her to choose a helicopter, and not only a doll, as a toy if she so desires; having open conversations with her about clothes, makeup, and sexuality; debunking the myth that women are somehow biologically arranged to be in the kitchen making dinner, and that men can “allow” women to have full careers, Dear Ijeawele goes right to the heart of sexual politics in the twenty-first century. It will start a new and urgently needed conversation about what it really means to be a woman today.

This book is a very short read, but it packs a punch, so while it’s easy to breeze through it because it is so short, I advise you to stop and take your time because it’s easy to miss important points.

As I was reading this book/letter, some of the suggestions of the author I had already thought about – such as if your daughter wants a “boy” toy and not a “girl” toy, that’s okay, buy it for her. But some of the other suggestions and points I hadn’t thought about before. For example, the author uses the example of a play group and mentions how parents of daughters tell their girls to be careful, and don’t go too far, whereas for the sons they push them to go further, try new things, etc. It was interesting to me – in this example and others – how much of a way of being and thinking sexism is. So much so, that at times I didn’t even realize that that’s what I was experiencing or reading or thinking.

Not realizing how sexism society is, is also why feminism is so important. I mean, why do I have to change my name when I get married? Why can a male employee be assertive, but a female is a bitch? Why can’t I show that I’m feeling shitty when I have horrific cramps instead of pretending that my biology is, at the moment, not kicking my ass?

There is also the reverse of this coin too. Why when dad’s are parenting their children does society call it (or joke) that a dad is babysitting? He isn’t. He’s parenting. Why is parental leave for new dad’s a more common occurrence?

Sexism hurts both sexes, and your sexual organs should do hinder you from anything.

This book – and others like it – are vitally important because these issues are still happening, because society still feels the need to put women and men into specific boxes.

This is another book that I’m recommending to everyone because let’s face it – we should all be feminists.